You and your spouse have been treading on rocky ground for months now and you are finding that nothing is working to help reshape your marriage back to the way it was when the two of you were happy. You’ve been thinking about filing for divorce for months but aren’t sure how to approach the matter. Should you just come straight out and tell your spouse you want a divorce from them and when would be the best time to tell him/her? The reality is, bringing up the topic of divorce can be difficult and even a little scary, but we do have a few tips provided on behalf of Psychology Today that can help make it a little easier for you to discuss.
- The first tip Sam Margulies Ph.D. Esq. recommends is to consider how surprised your spouse will be when given the news. Will they be relieved as they too were unhappy or will they be surprised as they have been living the past few months oblivious to the fact that your marriage is hurting? Knowing how surprised they are going to be can help you prepare yourself for their reaction. Margulies says that “the more [he]she is surprised or shocked by your revelation, the longer it will take [them] to accept the divorce.”
- You will want to find a time when to share the news when you know the two of you will be uninterrupted. It is recommended that your phones are turned off during this time and that your children are being supervised elsewhere.
- Prepare a speech or talking points so that you know what you want to say when you have the time alone with your spouse. Be prepared for him/her to ask questions and even attempt to talk you out of your decision. You may even find that your spouse becomes extremely angry and “accuses you of all sorts of terrible things.” During this time, Margulies suggests that you let them vent and express their feelings as they were just hit with some rather serious, and maybe even heartbreaking news.
- Try not to be defensive. Rather than “defend yourself and critique [his/her] failures and deficiencies,” you may want to “listen quietly and not interrupt.” This way, your spouse feels as though you are taking into consideration how the news is impacting them and that you are listening to their concerns. Unfortunately, it isn’t likely that the two of you will meet on a middle ground so going back and forth on who did what and who is to blame for the downfall of your marriage won’t do much but just add tension and stress to the situation. Instead, you may consider addressing the fact that your “marriage has not worked for a long time” and “you no longer believe it can be fixed and divorce is the only alternative you can see in the future.” You can also “acknowledge that both of you have contributed to the erosion of the marriage and that it is pointless to try to figure out who is more to blame.”
- After you break the news to your spouse, you may want to take some time to let them cool off. But, don’t be surprised if they begin saying things like “don’t expect me to move out,” or “I’m not paying alimony.” Rest assured these are all matters that are going to be addressed during the divorce proceedings and won’t be sorted out at the end of your initial discussion.
Once you inform your spouse that you want a divorce and are ready to begin the divorce process, you will need to contact a reputable and trustworthy Naples, FL divorce attorney who can help you. The fact is, you are not going to want to go into a divorce without the proper legal representation, especially when assets and children are involved. The divorce lawyers at Long & Alguadich, PLLC have worked with couples with all levels of income and varying circumstances which makes them qualified and capable of assisting you with your divorce case.
If you would like to schedule an initial consultation with the attorneys at Long & Alguadich, PLLC to learn more about why you need to hire a divorce lawyer and how this firm is the best one to handle the matter, give them a call at 239-316-1600.
Long & Alguadich, PLLC is located at:
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