If you are on the fence about filing for divorce because you are worried that others might view your relationship as one that has “failed,” you might be happy to know that therapists are saying the exact opposite. According to Business Insider, some family and marriage therapists believe that instead of divorce implying that you have failed at love or life, it might actually indicate that your marriage was a success. To help you better understand why certain therapists are saying this, below we share some support they provided that helps back up their claims which will, in turn, allow you to either agree with them or oppose their theory.
When a person is said to have failed, it means they were unsuccessful at something. You can fail a math test, fail at maintaining a healthy diet, or even fail at starting a business. But, when it comes to marriage, marriage and family therapist Hal Runkel believes that divorce doesn’t necessarily imply that one or both parties have failed at the marriage. Runkel says that “marriage has evolved into a people-growing machine. Marriage is perfectly designed to help you grow up. It challenges your blind spots. Marriage will expose your selfishness. It’ll expose your immaturity. And that’s a good thing. It will continually ask you to grow in ways you couldn’t have anticipated.”
The fact is, most people actually consider individual growth a good thing, whether it comes from a marriage, from counseling, or from life experiences in general. So, although a marriage might not work out, given that one or both parties have grown from it and learned more about themselves doesn’t quite mean separating indicates they failed.
Now, according to Rachel Zamore, who is a marriage and family therapist, “people who accept the inevitability of change tend to do the best in relationships.” Whether this means accepting that their partner has changed and is willing to make the relationship work or accepting that these changes signify it is time to move forward, gaining a positive quality such as being able to sustain a relationship isn’t exactly a failure either.
Although the author of the article published by Business Insider spoke with other therapists on the topic, she was able to draw the following conclusion: “Divorce doesn’t constitute failure because you’re making the choice to end suffering. Divorce isn’t a failure also because being in any kind of relationship teaches you something — even if that’s how to be in another relationship.” Perhaps it is how you view your marriage and the idea of divorce that determines whether you think ending your marriage is a sign of failure or a sign of success.
What did real women who have gone through a divorce have to say about divorce being a success or failure?
Aside from sharing the perspectives from different therapists on divorce, the source also highlighted some online comments made by women who also don’t view divorce as a failure. One woman compared leaving a marriage to an “a dead-end job.” She stated that divorcing “means you had the presence of mind to know that you were not in the right position, so you took the initiative to find something else and make a change” She went on to say, “You know what is a failure? Staying in a marriage that is sucking the life out of you.”
Although it can be difficult for many to accept that their marriage isn’t working out and that divorce might be on the horizon, it is important that if you are considering filing for divorce in Broward County, FL, that you gather all the information you need and get all of your questions answered so that you can make an informed decision on the matter.