Being in a relationship, whether it is a marriage or an informal commitment to another person, requires patience, understanding, and compassion for one another. It isn’t always easy being around the same person day in and day out and sometimes, we fall into these “traps” that set our relationship up for failure. According to Bryan Robinson, Ph.D., who is a professor at the University in North Carolina and author of more than 37 books, there are five reasons, or behaviors we engage in, that cause our relationships to fail.
- We think we can read minds.Whether it’s making up stories about a situation or jumping to conclusions about what our partner is thinking or doing without checking it out, we are constantly trying to play the role of a mind reader. The truth is, we aren’t mind readers and while you might think your partner is doing something behind your back, without actually knowing, you are basing your thoughts on a mere assumption.
- Emotional Reading.Humans have a tendency of jumping to conclusions regarding what a person thinks about them without actually confirming it. For instance, if you assume that your partner is mad at you for one reason or another, rather than accuse them of being mad, simply ask them and address the situation from there.
- Name-Calling.It’s easy to label your partner with a name that is generally used in a negative context when you are upset or angry. However, Dr. Robinson suggests that you refrain from saying “You’re mean and selfish” to using “I-messages. For example, if the dialogue between you and your partner has turned sour, try telling them “I’m uncomfortable with how we’re talking; I’d like to take a timeout and come back when we’re calmer.” Not only can this help diffuse the situation, but it can prevent you both from saying things you don’t actually mean.
- Put-downs.You criticize your partner’s behavior or habits rather than help them correct unhealthy behavior or recognize a bad habit.
- Giving commands. Couples sometimes tell each other what to do and when to do it and this can become rather frustrating for both people in the relationship. Instead, if someone has a bad eating habit and you want to acknowledge this, instead of telling what to eat and when to eat it, Dr. Robinson recommends asking a question that sheds light on the issue but doesn’t imply you are commanding them to eat a certain way.
[Source: Psychology Today].
Overindulging in this type of behavior can become toxic to any relationship which is perhaps why Dr. Robinson has identified them as reasons why relationships fail. And while there is a good chance there are plenty more reasons that contribute to a relationship failing, these are some things you may be able to acknowledge that you do and potentially refrain from doing so that you can work toward saving your marriage and avoiding having to file for divorce.
However, if your marriage is currently on the rocks or you have come to terms that it is time to look into divorce, you can always consult with a divorce lawyer at Barkley & Kennedy in Rockville, MD who can provide you with some useful advice regarding filing for divorce and the process that goes along with it.
You can contact Barkley & Kennedy at:
51 Monroe Street, #1407
Rockville, MD 20850